ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
