so let's talk penis.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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