I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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