Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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