Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
