Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
