i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
