I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
