Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
