I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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