dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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