i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
