Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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