Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
honey bunches of taint.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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