My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
