Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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