Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
