he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
