Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
