Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
