one word: firstdatebathroomanal
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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