dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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