spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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