I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
