Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
