my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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