Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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