Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Randomize
