Is it normal to miss your booty call?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
