I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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