So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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