I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
