happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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