I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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