Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize