The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
