did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
