"it" just moved
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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