it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
