I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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