Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
