Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i dont even know how to be here
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
