Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
high people should be assigned attendants
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
