Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
