A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She bit a glass in half.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize