But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
pray to the hookup gods
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
