I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
