I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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