In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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