So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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