I wanna passion pit in your ass
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize