Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
