Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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