I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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