everyone is single if you try hard enough
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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