she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize