are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My first STD was from a foam party
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
