Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
