Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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