If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
