he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
