you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
