allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
