I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Come see our sink grown plant.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
