i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
