And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
