what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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