I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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