....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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