It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize