Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
