you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
