he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
