I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
