I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize