So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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