hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
