yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
