All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
