the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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