Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
