3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
