I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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