please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
