Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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