It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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