Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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