Already got asked if we're dating
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
