we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
