I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize