it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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