I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
