I'm passing your future prison.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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