i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
