i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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