You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
