Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
