i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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